Hi friends! Sarah here. As many of you know, I am planning my own wedding this year, and it has *ironically* not been my favorite. Turns out, it’s a lot easier to do this stuff when you’re not emotionally attached to every teeny tiny detail. Shocker.
The other day my maid of honor said, “try not to stress too much.” And I casually thought to myself, “EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, WOMAN!” But then I got thinking….there have been some definite things that have helped me manage the stress and pressure throughout this whole process. So, for those of you currently entwined in planning your own nuptials, I wanted to share. I hope the tips below help you! And the next time I complain about the stress of planning my wedding, remind I wrote this whole blog about how I “stressed less” and make me re-read it, ok? Ok. Here we go.
This is a hard one as there is a level of trust involved, so be smart about what you choose to hand over to someone else! Make sure it’s something you’re comfortable to let go of. I have found this most helpful when everyone comes to me with questions. Maybe it’s pricing per person for the appetizers, or how many rooms are available at the bed and breakfast across the street, or what size the not-quite-square tables are at the venue. I began to realize that many of these details I didn’t know right off the bat (or maybe don’t need to know at all) but I do know how to find out. And if I knew how to find out, I could task the person who wanted to know in the first place to find out. Prices for the apps? Here’s the caterer’s number! That bed and breakfast – here’s their website! The size of those weird wooden tables, here’s the venue’s email address! Boom. I didn’t need to know these things, they did, so they can take the extra step to get the answer.
My fiancé has also continuously asked how he can get involved, and I trust him with things like drafting emails to certain vendors, researching honeymoon spots, and calculating the households on our guest list. Even these little things have lightened my load, and helped me stay sane, as it’s one less thing on my list to figure out. So the next time someone asks you a question, decide if it’s something you can give right back to them. And the next time you have a task that your fiancé could help with, let him. Then cross it off that giant list of yours! (Best feeling ever).
2. TAKE SUGGESTIONS WITH CAUTION
Some things are going to matter to you more than anyone else. You are going to be particular about things that no one else understands, and vice versa. Stick to your guns, but be polite. I’ve learned to let family members and vendors know that sometimes I need time to process through an idea (like when the layout to my venue changed for the fifth time, for example). If someone gives me a suggestion (or worse, when many someones are giving me suggestions all at once), I’ve started nodding and saying something like “I’ll think about this” or “let me process through this one.” It can honestly take me a day or two to really think through and idea or problem solve something that has come up, and I’ve started to make people aware of that. This gives you time to step back and decide how you and your fiancé really feel about decisions or issues that arise.
I’ve also learned that family and close friends just get excited and/or anxious about weddings (especially if it’s one of the first family weddings they’ve experienced). They might want to know details way before they are nailed down, or get you all out of sorts by bringing up things you aren’t even thinking of yet. Take a deep breath, tell them you’ll let them know, and keep on plugging away at what’s most important on your list. It’s hard not to be dismissive or get overwhelmed, but remember that this is an exciting time for them too, and they just want to be a part of the process!
3. LET IT GO
Cue the “Frozen” song, y’all. If you know me at all, you know that I can be a bit perfectionistic, stubborn, and particular…especially when it comes to weddings. Sounds like just the kinda gal you really want to be around while she’s planning her big day, huh?
Here’s the pattern I’ve adopted:
1. Come up with a venue layout.
2. Realize that layout won’t work because your fiancé has too many friends (kidding…kinda).
3. Panic for approx. 24 hours about how now you have to rent drapery, the floral accents you envisioned don’t make sense, you have to flip the room when you vowed you wouldn’t do that to your GO team, and refuse any reassurance that “it’s all going to come together.”
5. Get over yourself.
6. Re-work your plans so they actually make sense. Move one to…
Next on the list:
1. Pick out the exact black watch plaid tuxedo jacket you want for the groomsmen.
2.. Realize the tux jacket is ridiculously expensive and also not available for your wedding date.
8. Repeat the basic concepts of steps 3-6 from the above list.
I look over these past four months and how so many of my “perfect plans” have changed. Then I wonder why I even had them in the first place.
Here’s a thought: let’s all get together, watch Dave and I get hitched, cry a little, laugh a lot, eat some darn good food, toast to nice things, shake what our mamas gave us on the dance floor, eat a cookie, dance some more, eat another cookie, and bring in the New Year right. That’s what I want. And at the end of the day it won’t matter if my bridesmaids were in the tan dress that ended up being a little see-through, or if our guests have to go eat spinach dip while we move some chairs around, or if the table linens go all the way to the floor (actually that one still matters to me, Mom!). But what really matters is we’re married and the people we love the most were there to celebrate it.
Gosh, that gets hard to remember, doesn’t it? I’m here to remind you, and please don’t hesitate to remind me. I really do mean that.
Well my dears, cheers to all the decisions us brides have to the make, and the wine that makes it all a little easier,
Photography Credit: Katie Fox Webb